Thursday, August 23, 2012

fear

I don't even want to say it, that word 'fear'. It doesn't deserve a place here, a place in my life, a place in my heart, what a waste it is.

But what a temptation it is. A temptation to be fearful, paralyzingly fearful.

It was just months after Lucas died that we were sitting in a Sunday service at church. The scripture of the sermon was one I had memorized over 10 years prior.

1 Corinthians 10:13
   No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Fear is a temptation and God will provide a way out from it.. through Him.

It wants to paralyze me, it wants to rob me of the blessings of each moment and each day to come. I can feel it hunting me at times, trying to consume me and fill my mind with the nightmares we have lived through.

Fear does not glorify God.

...........................


We had the most beautiful day. We saw one of the most beautiful children who's heart has ever beated and that child is ours.

It was so obvious the ultrasound tech tried to hide HIS little parts on the screen. But there HE was for us to see, and to hear those words "it's a boy!" felt like a dream.

We giggled and laughed and cried then repeated.. We had lunch in celebration and spread his beautiful pictures out all over the table as we sat together.

We went and bought those impractical little things that just said BOY. What a moment Lord, what a blessing, and you gave them to us.