Monday, November 28, 2011

A New Home

We're moving Lucas. And my first thoughts were of your room. The place we prepared for you. I didn't want to leave it. I didn't want to touch it.

I thought the only reason I'd ever put away your things would be for the joy of putting another baby in there. But that is not the case.

It makes me sad because this is it. These are the last days your room here will ever exist. For there is no reason to set it up again. We'll take it down and it will be no more.

I sat on the floor of your sweet blue room so many nights. Nights with you kicking in my belly and nights where you had already left this earth. I rocked in your chair dreaming of what you would look like on the day you were born and rocked there sobbing with heartache. I tucked each of your new outfits away in your drawers wondering when you would wear each other them, and weeks later I stacked cards of sadness and condolences in those very same drawers.

But you see Lucas, this Earth was never meant to be your home.

John 14
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”

I dream of the sights your eyes have seen and long for the day that we will all be together again.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Elephants for Lucas

I spent hours ( I know, way too much time but true) looking for the perfect boy bedding online. I was all over the place and couldn't find anything just right, nothing was perfect enough for our sweet baby boy. I fell in love with a fabric of sweet blue elephants and that's where it all began.

I ordered the fabric and got to sewing.. oh how I love to make things :) After many late nights (and several mess ups too) it was done!

These tiny blue elephants became the inspiration for the rest of his room and a very special day to celebrate his arrival.
It was the most beautiful day

Complete with all things blue.. and elephant peanuts too
My sweet Lucas Michael
So since he has left this earth Elephants have a very special place in my heart. Wonderful & thoughtful family have given me some sweet ways to keep his memory alive.

 We took Christmas pictures with all the grand kids from my side of the family. Anytime all the kids are together I can't help but feel like Lucas is missing. Just a little emptiness amongst the toys, laughter & chaos of being together. I wanted to include our memory of him in the pictures and so did his sisters

Friday, November 4, 2011

Tears from Heaven

A rainy day it is and how fitting it feels. Sorrow and pain weigh heavy on my heart today. These days are fewer as the months pass and I praise God for that. But nevertheless in a month full of sunshine comes a rainy day.

Tears poured from the Heavens this morning just as much as they streamed down my face. I sat snuggled in between my two favorite ladies on this gloomy day as my 4 year old Rylee assured me we will get to go to Heaven one day and see Lucas again.

The bible story that came to mind was brought into context for me by one of my favorite books.

In John 11 we read about Lazarus' death.
Mary and Martha sent for Jesus when their brother was sick
 but Jesus did not come in time.
 When he finally had come Lazarus had been in his tomb for 4 days.

 21 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus,
 “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.
22 But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”

Mary joined Martha at Jesus' side

33 When Jesus saw her weeping,
 and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping,
 he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.

and then

35 Jesus wept.

So they rolled the stone away, Jesus called to Lazarus, he rose from the dead and came out alive.

Lord, even though you know the glory that is to come you weep. At my pain and sorrow you are troubled. You care for me and all that I feel, all that I am, my life and every moment or every day. Thank you